do you ever feel as if you are on the edge of something that feels like a change, but you do not know if it is good or bad..? what do you do..? how will you react..? are you elated..? or do you go numb..? there are a set of rules, standards that govern how one reacts to feelings.. they are the same, no matter what language you speak or what gender you are.. sad is sad.. happy is happy.. anger is anger.. what varies is the degree of those feelings..
in a perfect world, all is good.. the birds sing, the sun shines and you have this overwhelming sense of warmth enveloping your body, bathing your soul.. you hold your head higher, your stride is more confident and you cannot help smiling at the world about you.. there is no darkness, there is no sadness, there is nothing but happiness and laughter.. the flowers are always in bloom, the chocolate is divine and a tear shed is for pure joy.. does it sound odd..? well, in a perfect world, all is perfect..
in the not so perfect world, there is an imbalance of good and bad, mixed with the downright mean.. being told it is not fair is commonplace.. feelings are hurt by the minute, kindness is a rarity and goodness is virtually non-existent.. there is coldness, there is callousness, there is vanity and conceit.. so much to drag one down into a deep, dank pit from which many do not emerge.. all your life experiences are dirty secrets to be hidden away, only to surface in the dark of night so they may not be seen and hopefully not heard.. on the tip of your tongue are words poised to inflict pain and hurt.. your whole being is encased in armor, always on guard and ready to pour hot oil upon anyone who comes near the walls of your prison.. and an imminent death to those who manage to slip within.. does it ring true..? it is all in a day of the not so perfect world..
i often marvel at the innocence of a child.. so peaceful, so confident.. so happy.. their world is untouched by sarcasm, by arrogance, by narcissism.. they wake up every morning smiling and elated.. its a new day, ripe for the taking.. ready to conquer all..! confidence soars, laughter is endless and the simple act of bestowing a hug upon another makes the world perfect.. it is as close to absolute perfection as you will ever be..
but, child innocence is forced to see that a not so perfect world is the reality.. it is what keeps us pessimistic.. keeps us from accepting the good and innocent when it is right in front of us.. we thrive in its quixotic darkness, we revel in its shadowy ambiguity and we die a slow, pathetic death within the intoxicating 'beauty' of it all.. a perfect world is ultimate sarcasm at its finest.. embrace it..? reject it..? or mold it to make your journey as pleasant as possible in the treacherous waters of imperfection..?
i have yet to learn how to deal with the hurt.. my 'skin' is still of a child-like quality.. my fortress walls are high and formidable, but i still seek out the good only to be stung and forced to retreat to my thinly-veiled sanctuary to tend to my wounds.. all in good time i will learn to embrace the darkness, accept the coldness and adore the callousness of it all.. i am crushed and broken yet i wait patiently for eternal solitude of numbness..