happiness is before you, not behind..

today, i woke up with my throat feeling it was on fire and no water in sight.. i glance at the clock with my fuzzied eyes and notice it says '4:16'.. tired from coughing most of the night, beat because i can't get comfortable and irritated because someone *cough*mydumbneighbor*cough* decides to clean his truck out at 1am.. this is genuinely one of those days when you wish you can have a 'do-over' and find yourself back at the time when you attempted to fall asleep the night before.. what a glorious time that would be.. falling asleep to the sound of mark harmon's voice on ncis.. *sigh*

well, to talk about a 'do-over'.. haven't you had one of those days in your life where you wish you could completely wipe it off the slate of your memory and replace it with one that is so much better..? i am sure you have, i know i have.. what can you actually do with a 'do-over'..? in reality, it's not as if you can change that memory you wish to have scrubbed from the bottom drawer cluttered with all the other things you wish to forget that reside in your mind..

take for instance a bad date.. yeah, for the next few days, you spend ditching the phone calls and take a hiatus from your personal e-mails.. but, over a cup of coffee or whatever suits your mood, you learn to laugh about it with your best friends and it becomes one of those laughing, giggling moments you don't want to forget.. now, those memories are worth saving.. after all, there is a form of laughter in almost every situation..

then what about those moments that you are filled with regret because you didn't step up or speak up.. do you spend the rest of your life pondering what all would have been like if you had done just that..? would the outcome actually have changed..? hmm, probably/probably not.. it's a 50/50 shot.. not very good odds considering it's your ego and heart on the line.. like me, i am sure most aren't in life hoping to have their heart stomped to dust and their ego deflated like a flat tire.. but what happens when you finally do speak up, step up or have a 'do-over'..? i have yet to find out what actually does happen..

i am trying to lead myself in the direction of moving forward.. 'happiness is before you, not behind! ' declared a slip of paper inside my virtual fortune cookie.. then i had to sit back and think.. it's true.. the reason why things are behind you is because they have already served their purpose and there is no reason to revisit.. don't live in the past, go forward into the future.. hmm, a novel thought..