reflections of the psyche

ever have someone just make your skin crawl..? give you the creeps..? the mere sight of them makes your blood boil..? well, i'm sure you get my path of thoughts on this one.. okay, there's a person i encounter once in a while, not often, but just enough that their presence makes famously polluted, thick London fog look like the fake Halloween smoke.. what causes such a reaction..? how do you train yourself to calm your nerves for fear that one second too long in this persons' presence will cause you to black out and pull a 'Jack the Ripper' on them..? well, maybe not that bad, but the age-old cliche of 'ripping someone's head off' comes chillingly to mind..

i'm not one to preach psychology nor am i one to pretend to be knowledgeable in the field of psychiatry and its vast libraries of the brain's infinite nuances.. i question my thoughts daily and have begun to dissect and catalog them in my own vast library.. rather than trying to figure out what makes another person do something, what makes me tick..?

i had once heard or read that the people who irk you the most is your own reflection of yourself in their eyes..? once thinking about this, do i put off that vibe that makes another person's skin crawl? do i give another person the creeps..? i certainly hope not.. is this a quirky, tim burton-ish twist on the Golden Rule - "Do unto other as you would have them do unto you"..?

with that said, is my standoffish, aloof, arrogant persona reflecting onto others and therefore the way i want to be treated..? maybe that's my 'front', but i've also been told i'm friendly, funny, loyal, strong, trustworthy, somewhat geeky person.. hmm, am i a modern day jeckyll and hyde..? that is surely something to think about.. but, as i sit here laughing imagining myself as the character "Two-Face" from the Batman comics, can a person such as this be real..?

mayby i am an anomoly..? am i a strange, unusual or unique occurance in the human race or, more specific, the female half of the race..? not sure if i would exactly go that far, but i am learning that i am a bit of an eccentric, bit of a dark, brooding soul all mixed up to create this entity of the universe that is uniquely me. it's actually kinda cool..

to dream a dream

well, it's been a while.. hopefully i am completely back from my forgetful hiatus.. i have been on a kick of trying to analyze the frequently action-packed and often bizarre 'movies' that play behind my closed eyelids while i sleep.. i know dreams are your subconscious trying to communicate with your conscious on a subconscious level.. but, can dreams actually be movie clips from lives past..? it kind of makes me wonder when i have such detailed dreams of buildings, places, smells and textures..

what does it mean to dream of ghosts..? to dream of crypts..? to dream of being held by someone you want to be held by so badly..? being able to hear drops of water or water splashing on the pylons of a pier.. the feel of your feet crammed into a pair of peep-toe pumps that goes rather well with your pencil skirt.. how do you shake the eerie feeling of a person's smile in your dreams that chills you to the core..?

Carl Jung believed that the images in your dreams are your own way of learning about yourself, your relationships with others and how you handle everyday life.. he believed that discussing your dreams can help you unlock the meanings.. he also believed that symbols that appear in dreams are universal in context in both the minds of men and women.. he termed this as the 'collective unconscious'.

these collective symbols are all part of what Jung termed "archtypes".. 'persona' is yourself in your dreams; whether you are an old lady or a ghost, you know this is you in your dreams.. 'shadow' is the the repressed/rejected aspects of yourself; this is what you don't want the world to know about you and is often related to weakness, anger and fear.. 'anima/animus' is the male/female aspect of yourself; all of us have masculine and feminine traits, they are there to help you recognize your strength and emotions.. 'divine child' is the most pure, innocent form of yourself; it helps you see your vulnerabilites and helplessness but it also helps you to see your full potential.. 'wise old man/woman' is the figure in your dreams that presents as an authority figure; they are there to offer guidance and wisdom as well as steer you on the right path.. 'great mother' is the nurturing figure in your dreams; he/she provides you with the necessary reassurances to continue on your path.. 'trickster' keeps you from taking yourself too seriously..

all of these archtypes exist in the unconscious realm of your dreams and materialize as needed in significant times or transistional periods of your life.. they often leave you stunned about realizing something about yourself and the sheer vividness/reality of the dreams remain long after you have awaken.. i often wondered why my dreams stayed with me for days and i am finally learning why.. they have helped me realize my fears of moving forward, my fears of letting the past be in the past and i know that the archtypes that appear nightly are there for a reason.. now when i dream, i learn, i grow and i heal..